Surrender, Trust, & Gratitude





Today is Earth Day.   Not a political or cultural holiday, as are most that punctuate our calendar, but a day set aside to honor the Earth itself, and to celebrate our connection to it.

Much of my Sunrise Sadhana is about resurrecting my spiritual connection to the Earth.  Trials and tribulations strained my connection and led me away from my path for too long, but my internal guidance has been prodding me to re-immerse myself into the Earth’s mysteries.  My Zenith Arc journey to the solstice is in large measure about returning to the heights I had once reached and returning to the depths I had once known, by ascending and descending, I endeavor to reanimate the person I once was.

The rock pictured above came to me during that past life, while on a vision quest.  The short story is this….

While preparing to go on the vision quest, I was drifting upon a lake in a canoe, meditating with eyes closed.  When I opened them, the sun in the western sky was refracted through streaks of clouds, so that it appeared as though there were 3 suns stacked on top of each other.  And the phrase, “Surrender, Trust, and Gratitude” leaped to mind; I had heard this phrase some weeks before, presented as a process of actively practicing faith.  The 3 steps in the process I now saw embodied in the 3 suns that shone upon me. I felt that I was to carry this message with me on my vision quest.

Days after my experience with the 3 suns, I drove to the upper peninsula of Michigan, backpacked out into the wilderness, found a suitable hill top to do my quest, and began to settle in.  On this hilltop there was a shallow depression that I thought would make a good spot to build my medicine wheel, in which I would spend my time fasting.

While clearing the debris out of the depression, I came upon a sizable rock.  It was largely buried, but with some effort I managed to dislodge it. Pulling it as though from the womb of the Earth, I discovered that upon the face of the rock were 3 red circles, that immediately brought to mind the message of the I had received of the 3 suns.  I was stunned –  my steps had been so orchestrated by Spirit that I could drive hundreds of miles away from home, to place I had never been, to a spot I had no idea I was going to, and from the middle of my medicine wheel, unearth a stone that embodied the very phrase i had been given to meditate on days before.

Upon closer inspection I saw that the circles on the face of the rock were actually reddish earth, compacted into holes in the stone. Using twigs, I scraped out the  earth to reveal the holes.   My guess is that millions of years ago this rock must have been part of a stream bed and that the holes are miniature “pot holes” bored out by the grit carried in whirlpools of water, and that glaciers deposited the rock on the hilltop, along with the hill itself.

The stone pictured above is of course that stone.  It’s about the size of a deflated basketball.  It was no small task carrying  it for miles out of the woods after a couple days of fasting.   Other than scraping out the dirt, I have not altered the holes in any way.  They are just as I found them.  I place the candles in the holes to of course represent the 3 suns and the 3 steps of faith.

I share this now, because of Earth day, to celebrate my re-connection to the Earth, and because this rock and this phrase have once again been bringing me solace.   As I continue going through my grief, I have sought to sooth the anguish by connecting with Spirit and to replace my pain and my fear with love.  Had I been conscious enough to invoke Spirit and to replace my fears with love some months ago, I would not be in the depths of sorrow that I now find myself

Reciting these  phrases, or some variation of them, can at times completely transform my emotional state from one of anguish or despair,  to one of love or serenity .


I surrender my situation with ____________, to the Great Holy Mystery.

I trust that the Mystery will guide my steps, and bring about the highest good for everyone concerned.

I am grateful for the love and support and the guidance of the Mystery.


I surrender my grief to Mother Earth.

I trust that She will transmute my grief into food for my growth.

I am grateful for the nurturing and the love and the transformative power of the Mother.



23 thoughts on “Surrender, Trust, & Gratitude

  1. This post gave me chills, Cnawan. Such a profound experience; life-changing experience. Your posts always teach me something, lead me somewhere in my own spiritual journey. I hate you are going through such sadness and grief and hope these meditations give you peace. Lovely post, again.

    • Thank you, Debi. So wonderful to have met a friend here in the blogosphere. When I began the blog, I hadn’t intended it to be so confessional, and often feel reluctant to hit the “Post” button. But it’s what’s coming through me; so gratifying to know that my process touches other people. About this post – I used to be baffled that people could have such profound experiences, and then still lose their way on their path. Now that it has happened to me, I still don’t fully comprehend it, I just know that it does indeed happen. (this was also the theme of my Labyrinth poem). I trust I can find my way back without getting sidetracked too often. Thanks again. Happy Earth Day!

      • We are only people, after all. Not perfect but gloriously imperfect. I, too, am happy to have discovered your friendship here in the blogging world! You’ve given me much to think about and I look forward to learning even more. Happy Earth Day!

  2. Cnawan I am so grateful you came onto my blog to like my post… so I could met you…Sharing from your heart can be a bit I stated with my last post…especially because I have also had amazingly profound spiritual journeys..yet even with the walking meditation that i live deeply connected too..i too have felt profound if to shed tears for the earth…and once I do connect in this way …i seem to reach an even higher vibration..thank you for sharing from your have touched mine…Earth day is very special to me…I will be celebrating with all the magical bliss here in Maui all week long…Heart to heart Robyn

    • Thank you for your lovely comment, Robyn. I just read the account of your near death experience. Quite remarkable. I will make a point of seeing the movie “Heaven is Real”.

      • Yea the movie was really good at keeping the dogma out of it…it was very interesting that you had your vision quest in Michigan where I grew up…I fell in the well in Ludington Michigan…and went up to UP for trips.. I just read something about seeing the contrast before the vibration all is perfect for our journey..glad i met you.. heart to heart Robyn

  3. Exquisite… I will do whatever I must do to make her proud. Go to the edge of the earth, crush the rose, if I have to. It’s within my grasp and I will so carefully open my hands even if the thorns wound me and I bleed out.

  4. Thank you for finding and following my blog, Cnawan. I’ve so enjoyed reading this post. It’s so humbling and wonderful when synchronicities like that appear to show us we are on the right path. I hope peace and comfort come to you. Jan

  5. Reblogged this on Laura Bruno's Blog and commented:
    I recently discovered this blog and really enjoy the poetic, mystical posts. This one honors Earth Day, but since every day is Earth Day on this planet, I thought I’d reblog the powerful message and intention. In answer to the various emails and session questions I’ve received of late: yes, the intense times not only continue but have intensified for many. That’s one reason, I’m posting this beautiful message today. Blessings and Peace to you …

  6. Pingback: Laura Bruno – Surrender, Trust, & Gratitude – 5 May 2014 | Lucas 2012 Infos

  7. Hi Cnawan and thank you for following our blog! We are honored someone of your wisdom would give us a read. What an incredible post filled with such wisdom and soulful! Thank you for the unbelievable life lesson. That’s what it felt like! Like we we’re being taught by a masterful teacher. Look forward to coming by and reading more! 😉

    • After having read your extraordinary comment, I am trying my best to maintain a grasp on my humility. You’ve made it very challenging! I look forward to reading your books ~ the mother-daughter collaboration is pretty intriguing. Éirinn go Brách!

  8. Hello Cnawan, what a beautiful piece of writing. As yet I do not know of what caused you grief, but I can almost feel your writing.
    Thank you for visiting my blog so that I may find yours. 🙂

    • Thank you, Linda. Having been a wilderness guide in the BWCA, I’m quite intrigued by your book series set in Northern MN. I will have to pick one up!

    • Thank you, Jamie! I so appreciate it when others give me the opportunity to revisit my own writing and be reminded of my own experience. Will meditate upon this myself today.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s